Okay, um, it’s nighttime on my due date. Today felt pretty much like yesterday or the day before, and probably just like tomorrow. But the date deserves my attention I think.
A lot of what you might hear me say over the past many months and these current days is that I am annoyed to have insomnia, nausea, RLS, heartburn, pain where my maternity trousers rub my C section scar, stretch marks, sciatica nerve pain, fatigue, achiness, headaches and an inability to cure common ailments because Boots Pharmacy will never sell a pregnant woman anything (they suck). You might hear me say that I secretly want a boy or that I am so over being pregnant. You might see how careless I am with soft cheese and coloring my hair. (The color is cute though, the last highlights were spot on.) Mostly you might hear me loving on your older brother and heaping praise on him.
What you need to know is that underneath all the nonsense, I am hopelessly in love with you. Like your brother, I have loved you I guess since I was a little girl because I dreamed of you and wanted you. I don’t even know it, but I think I spend half of every day with my hand on my belly, gently trying to push your little feet or whatever body part cascades along or juts out. It has been my privilege to have kept you in there this long- buddies we’ve been. Even when it wasn’t spoken. Think of all the travels you and I have already done and the conversations we’ve already shared. You’ve been my constant, trusty companion and I have been your typically crazy mom, always waxing on about something.
It’s hard to believe that any day you will be here, and you will have a sex and a name and some kind of immediate persona just by virtue of being sighted finally. I will know your smell and your look and what it feels like to kiss your miniature ears and hold your miniature hands. That moment will be amazing, and I am ready for it.
For now though, keep making yourself at home where you are. Come when you’re ready. The second you do, I will drop everything that will instantly be so utterly unimportant to welcome you into this great big, exciting, unpredictable, adventurous world where you have a family already waiting that loves you to the moon and back. Times infinity.
Your second child momma,
(Photo credits to Monique Meher Branchmoore)