what the world REALLY needs is another mommyblogger

Jk, it really doesn’t.

There were so many things I wanted to write about today. First it was the Palestinian-Israeli conflict and why I think international and religious organizational control over holy sites is a very interesting part of the culled solutions offered by the best minds. But then I realized, no, I don’t want to write about ethno-political conflict and the consequences of refugee migration- in fact I want to write about how I just ate a blueberry muffin from Starbucks for breakfast and it reminded me, as Jim Gaffigan so astutely puts it, a muffin is just a cupcake without frosting. Dammit.

But then- the elephant in this room. I mean that as an idiom. Or whatever. Not to describe my current physical state.

Part of my hesitation in writing about being preggers is that it seems terribly cliche to blog about pregnancy and then baby-rearing. I mean, can we have one big collective eyeroll please? Obviously it’s much more fun to post pictures of food. We all can agree I am sure.

I can’t live up to the most famous female blogger in the universe– even though we basically share a due date. Plus, at the same number of weeks as me, her stomach is half the size. AND it’s her second pregnancy. Which means I am about four times larger than I am supposed to be. Awesome and awesome.

Obviously though, there are going to be some fascinating posts in your future if you stick with me:

  • Celebrating the positive pee stick(s) with 2 champagnes and a glass of wine
  • Debilitating hunger and dry heaving: totally worth it until the kid becomes a teenager
  • Pelvic floor exercises…mmm
  • People are just more boring when I’m sober
  • Mummies, nappies, dummies, prams/ pushchairs/ buggies, moses baskets, cots- um, translation please?
  • Husband, can you please take lots of pictures of me pregnant, but also make me look skinny
  • DID YOU KNOW WOMEN POOP ON THE TABLE WHEN GIVING BIRTH?

scary-pantyhoseSorry, I had to add the last one. It’s criminal that these things don’t become more public knowledge. You can thank me later. And by the way, this photograph of maternity pantyhose is on my list of most revolting things I have ever laid eyes on. I feel like the torso/head-less woman is telling you to adopt.

Tonight we are off on an aeroplane headed for Reykjavik, Iceland for a longish weekend. It gets 4-5 hours of daylight in the winter.

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16 Comments

Filed under blogging, prego-land, translation

16 responses to “what the world REALLY needs is another mommyblogger

  1. Rebecca

    oh my GOSH that picture is SCARY. I did hear the rumor about pooping on the table. Let’s pretend it is just that–a rumor, mmkay?

  2. The poop thing grosses me out, but it’s true!

  3. jenny

    GROSS about the poop! I refuse to believe that’s true! I think it involves being driven to the hospital and then a few hours later you wake up with a cute baby in a blanket in your arms.

  4. Christina

    Well, I have no idea who that other “famous” mommy blogger is, so you are technically more famous to me than she is.
    Please continue to write about being pregnant, as it is still terribly interesting to those of us that have never been or never will be.
    That picture is a riot. I used to date a guy that was into the pregnant woman thing. If I still was in touch with him, I would send him that picture.

  5. poren

    yay! this post makes me happy-even with the freakish pantyhose lady-whatever, she has very nice legs…oh, and I think I look a lot more pregnant that Dooce and I am pretty sure my uterus is empty. Bring on the poop stories!!!

  6. poren

    and by “that” i mean “than”

  7. Marlene

    The good news is that not everyone poops, maybe you’ll be one of the lucky ones. Embrace the belly! I miss mine. The best thing about it is that you don’t have to suck in b/c it’s supposed to be there. And later on, it’s perfectly round and you have no fat rolls.

  8. Maddo

    is it weird that i think that picture is hot? look at those legs!!!!!

    pooping: simple solution. when the labor pains start, drink a ton of coffee and a bottle of laxitives. you’ll be cleaned out by the time you hit the table. feel free to fly me over if you need a birthing coach.

  9. mdouris25

    I’m with everyone else – who has those legs when you’re that pregnant?! Or quite frankly, who has those legs period? I looked more pregnant than dooce after our large apres-ski dinner on Saturday night. She’s just not normal. She’s awesome, but not normal. Btw, it made me happy to see the fact that you miss drinking. I swear, you’re the only pregnant person I know (and right now I know a LOT of them) who actually admits that. Have fun in iceland!

  10. I don’t know what the procedure is in the U.K. …
    but here in America, if there’s time, there’s an enima…..It’s all about what it feels like….. not that it actually happens!!!
    be careful of any ICE in Iceland!!

  11. (a) congrats on sharing a due date with Dooce, how cool
    (b) why are you visiting Iceland in January?
    (c) women don’t poop on the table when giving birth – not all of them, anyway (I’d tell you more, but I think your childbirth classes will, and hey, you don’t need to know for a few months yet)
    (d) three are things that are worse than pooping that they don’t tell you in advance, not even at childbirth classes, which are MUCH WORSE.

  12. I can’t believe I just wrote that to a pregnant woman. Forget (d) – it totally isn’t true. It’s all marvellous, wonderful and completely easy. All of it.

  13. No they don’t always give enemas in the US! I never had one with any of my 3 deliveries.
    I do remember saying “I need to pee, I need to poop, I need to push” as the epidural needle went in one time – and then deciding perhaps I didn’t need to and that I’d take a nap instead . . .

    I have no idea what Iota is talking about in d) It was all wonderful, painfree, and I’d do it again in an instant.

    OK, I’m lying. It WAS wonderful, the epidural made it wonderfully painfree, but I *wouldn’t* do it again though – but only because 2 children is quite enough thank you!

  14. Ney Ney

    Forget the poop thing. I arranged to have Bob Marley’s “You are My Angel” come out of me to accompany you into the world.

  15. jul G

    As soon as you feel those pangs of incoming baby, eat only freezepops. There will be no poopy on the table. And I had NO IDEA that you share my devotion to Dooce!

  16. Pingback: the long pregnancy post « the part where we move to london

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