While I am on a week of vacation/holiday (not the kind where you lay in a lounge chair with a pina colada, but the kind where you carry heavy suitcases to five different homes and sleep in six different beds in one week), some friends have agreed to fill my VERY BIG shoes. Let’s all be nice and post comments for them (you stingy mofos, you).
Yael’s tired of her celebrity blogging status so she asked me to step in and post about office life in America. It seems she doesn’t remember what it’s like to slave away in a Spartan like existence while being underpaid and underappreciated. She’s gotten used to fancy British office things like tea every ten minutes and eavesdropping on interesting conversations between her co-workers David and Gareth. I don’t get fish and chips at the boardroom meetings but, I too have “interesting” co-workers.
Mary Ann is horrible at what she does and doesn’t show up that often to do it. But, when she does find her way in from Staten Island (Fresh Kills land fill in da house!) she cackles, snorts and howls at the top of her lungs all day while continuously talking to her friends over the phone. Now, I’m not sure if it’s the caffeine pills I’m taking or the fact that her cell phone meows like a damn kitten every time someone calls, but Mary Ann is driving me crazy. So, my co-workers Michael, Dwight, and I came up with a game to make our Mary Ann a little more tolerable.
This game is like CandyLand for frustrated white collar back office workers. Here’s how it goes. Feel free to play along. 1) Every time Mary Ann snorts you have to say an interesting fact about your neighborhood. For example, did you know Al Capone was married in Brooklyn’s very own Carroll Gardens? 2) Every time she cackles you have to say an interesting fact about Shaquille O’Neal, who just happens to have been raised on an Army base in Wildflecken, West Germany. 3) Finally, every time she says “OH MY GOD!!!!!!!” at the top her lungs, it’s a social and everyone drinks…..water, coffee, and obviously beer if you work in Britain. Trust me, it’s a great game and goes a long way towards drowning out the cat phone and Mary Ann’s voice as she calls her boss an “oxymoron.”
Loyal blog readers let the world that is Yael’s blog hear your office story. Tell us about your annoying co-worker’s habits and Yael promises to send you one of her favorite things (she’s the British Oprah). If no one else comments Ames has to because she is my wife…..and I know her password…. and will I sign in and make several intelligent and witty comments on her behalf………..
P.S. Mary Ann just came in. Did you know that Shaq starred in the move Blue Chips as Neon Bodeaux? This coincidentally will also be the name of my first child.