is it too early to talk about christmas?

img_3989While I’m on this holiday kick, I might as well reiterate that Christmas is in FULL FORCE in England. By my very perceptive data-gathering, I think this is because Christmas is the only holiday on the UK calendar that instills happiness, cheer and goodwill in the citizenry. There is no 4th of July since the English may hold the unique distinction of never having to gain their independence from anyone (wait, maybe the French?). Colonizing is very busy work. There is no Halloween to the extent we have developed it stateside. No St. Patrick’s Day, no Mardi Gras or Carnival, no Cinco de Mayo, and unless you live in my neighborhood, no Thanksgiving. No, England just has somber holidays honoring veterans, weird ones about some King, and a day having something to do with someone who tried to blow up Parliament. In this secular nation therefore, Christmas is where it’s at.

We haven’t found a pub, restaurant or hotel that is not aggresively advertising: MAKE YOUR CHRISTMAS BOOKINGS NOW!! No menorahs lurking around to equalize things. I doubt we’ll hear a peep about Kwanzaa. The lights have been switched on on Oxford Street, the Department stores have their fancy windows and the tree in our ‘hood gets lit on Wednesday.

I decided to get in the spirit of things and I bought some fancy LED xmas lights to hang. At dinner with Bryan and a friend last night, upon hearing news of my purchase they informed me I was Jewish. But the lights are white, I said. Jews can hang white lights. They’re festive. Besides my dad was Protestant (before converting to Judaism and then going to a Catholic church). When their mind games didn’t work on me, Bryan grabbed the receipt and saw that the lights were $65. WE ARE RETURNING THESE IMMEDIATELY. Oops I said. I swear I didn’t notice the price. Pound sterling is like Monopoly-money to me. Besidesssssss, they are energy efficient and we will save money on our electricity bill. Six of one half dozen of the other, right? Bryan said, I am returning them after my haircut Saturday. Fine, YOU return them. And yes, your Jewfro needs to be trimmed. For realsies, yo.

I feel I owe it to my adoptive homeland to not let my husband’s grinch-like tendencies get in the way of the MOST IMPORTANT HOLIDAY IN ENGLAND. The other night I came home from a friend’s and he was staring at the laptop and I said, what are you doing? He said, I am watching the stock market fall- it’s dismal.

Barrel of fun he is.



Filed under bryan, holidays, london, photos

4 responses to “is it too early to talk about christmas?

  1. Josh

    Now see if you had waited until the day after the Jets won, he would have said Yes to any purchase.

  2. I had never heard of Kwanzaa till I came to America two years ago. I’d never really thought of Christmas as being our only cheerful holiday, but you’re right. It does get a bit overloaded in the UK – we need something to get us through the long grey winter.

  3. Sonjey

    I’ll have some lights for you next weekend! Tell Scrooge, they won’t take up much room in the suitcase!

  4. tosha

    sorry, goldie, i agree with bryan. $65 is way too much for even a protestant to spend on xmas lights …

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