it’s just kinda been a foreigner week for me

I don’t know if it’s that I am now in a true British workplace, or what. But lately I have felt a little Lost in Translation. Except that I am not as hot as Scarlett Johansson. Speaking of breasts, I have a new name for my body type: gymnast boobs. This is a really positive way of saying “small.” Ladies, go with me here.

So the foreigner week I’m having. I have been concentrating so much at work to make sure I ask if something is near the lifts, remain on “shedule”, know that “pound sign” means a currency symbol and even attempt to eat my food in a civilized manner with knife and fork in the hands at all times. But then I was in line at a deli and I heard two former world colonists having a discussion, after eyeing Reese’s Peanut Butter Cups for sale, about how disgusting “American sweets” are. Nobody talks shit about a Reese’s Peanut Butter Cup. NOBODY. And then I went to Subway – AN AMERICAN CHAIN – and there was no oil or vinegar on the premises. And the man laughed at me when I asked for some.

And then all I really cared about was getting some pants tailored. No, not Bryan’s brown pants- my OWN brown pants. The pants I bought in AMERICA where things are CHEAPER, and lugged all the way to LONDON to pay for tailoring equal to the price of a pair of pants.

My conversation at the dry cleaners:

Me: Excuse me, do you have a tailor here?

Woman: Yes, I am a tailor.

Me: Oh great!! That is soooo great!!! I need to get some pants tailored. Will you be here at lunchtime?

Woman: Yes.

Me: You saved my day. Excellent.

Woman: But we don’t do measurements. You have to bring the clothes already pinned.

Me: But I…wha…I…but that’s what I need a tailor for.

Woman: (crosses her arms and stares).

I just keep thinking one day I might open my mailbox and my favorite Korean lady from Brooklyn will pop out and give me a manicure, a good tailoring and maybe throw in some Bi Bim Bop for shits and giggles. Not that I am hinting.

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3 Comments

Filed under culture clash, london

3 responses to “it’s just kinda been a foreigner week for me

  1. Ahh, customer service in the UK. Gotta love it. In a somewhat related story, I was in DK a while back, and I like ice in my soda. So I ask for a soda, but there’s no ice. When I asked for it, the waitress politely told me that “It’s cold enough.” Awesome!
    Ob “Simpsons” quote – “My sodee is too cold and makes my teef hurt.”

  2. That title got me all ready for Urgent and Feels Like The First Time, and I have to read this??? You’re as cold as ice.

  3. But, sorry, Reese’s Peanut Butter Cups ARE disgusting.

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