my physical defects

A few people have mentioned to me they are “jealous” of our recent travels. One friend suggested maybe I post something that wouldn’t instill envy in a reader. Ask, and ye shall receive.

  1. I’m only 5’3″.
  2. I have a cowlick above my forehead. It’s so pronounced that my hair parts in a perpetual 80s wave and I almost broke up with my stylist in Brooklyn because she said cowlick = no bangs. You will give me Reese Witherspoon bangs Lina, or I am QUITTING YOU. So she did.
  3. Nobody is clear on the color of my eyes. Including me. And the DMV.
  4. I have a “hole in my chest,” like my brothers. I am not sure the proper terminology since the way I just described it sounds like we were all gunned down by a roving group of marauder play-groupers in our leafy suburban enclave of Lyon Village when we were young. Actually, apparently it is called “pectus excavatum” and just typing those words made me throw up a little in my mouth. And we all have it subtly, hopefully, so that’s not so bad. But there was a rumor when we were little that a neighbor kid had it so bad he had to get surgery to have his sternum cracked outwards. Even sadder, there are a million youtube videos spawned by boys with worse versions of this (for example Oh life.
  5. My ears border on freakishly small.
  6. If I reach all the way into my belly button, it sends a terrible shiver through my pelvis. I thought everyone had this, but the other day Bryan told me I was crazy and jammed his finger into his bellybutton for proof that he is not afflicted. He also told me that pelvic shivers are no excuse not to clean my bellybutton. But I think they are.
  7. Look, I am not saying this is all my mom and dad’s fault. But it is.


Filed under family, health

12 responses to “my physical defects

  1. Nilda

    oh! I get the bellybutton – shivers thing!
    but I still clean it with a q-tip every once in a while, Yael. ha ha

  2. Barks

    I am so happy you are back because now we get our daily posts again. PS if these are your “shortcomings” you are a very lucky girl 🙂

  3. You totally stole “throwing up a little bit in my mouth” from me, afterI stole it from Will Ferrel. Very disappointing.

  4. yael

    I am ruthless and shameless, and will stop at nothing to have a better blog than you. In fact, I am working on my own “Dancing Matt” routine as we speak. But it involves me doing the Running Man, all over London. I am actually going to record my “double-decker bus” installment right now.

  5. Jeremy

    I clean my belly button on even numbered years. I don’t get quivers, i just don’t like to do it.

    Your post made me feel better about myself. Thanks.

  6. lonetruth

    I have spinal lordosis (makes my butt and tummy stick out… despite all the dieting, core and ab exercises I do… I look perpetually pregnant). How about THAT for a defect 🙂 I got tons more where that came from. Plus I am negro (“black”)… and in this country that is a MAJOR defect, LOL!!

  7. I’m five feet tall. Petite clothes are still too big, especially the length of jeans. 5’3 is perfectly normal, slightly tall even! 🙂

  8. Sonjey

    I have a flat ass, precellulite thighs, thunderthighs,and calfless legs…no more short shorts for me…… wear heels, cover your ears, your bangs look amazing and let’s hope your heart stays as big as ever!

  9. “My ears border on freakishly small.”

    I’ve never seen such a thing. HA!

  10. yael

    By the way, thank you all for sharing your not-so-pretty bits and bellybutton quivers. Keep ’em coming 😉 Also, don’t believe my mother-in-law… she is gorgeous.

  11. Barks

    I have chubby hands.

  12. poren

    I have a rolling eye. I am not kidding! It was pointed out to me by a friend’s mother at Friday night dinner when I was 15. Needless to say, I have not been the same since.

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