googlers, come to me

I feel the time has come to address some of the involuntary visitors to this blog who, to my terrible shame, needed vital information via world wide web and had the misfortune to be directed to this site instead. Although I am not going to lie and say I am not wickedly impressed with my accidental search engine optimization skills.

Some of the search engine terms in order of popularity:

any version of my name or Bryan’s

Ok, that makes sense. You may proceed.

“English breakfast” or “British breakfast”

Yes, I am glad you have come here. Don’t do it, no matter what your guidebook says. It is just the best bits (there’s an English-y word for you) of the classic American breakfast with congealed blood and baked beans thrown in. Save your quid and buy some more postcards of Parliament.

“What did American slaves eat?”

I get this search term so often that I am officially troubled. Somewhere there is a gaggle of fourth graders down to the wire on their latest school report and needing to know some important information from this deplorable part of American history, but instead learning about how much I have been drinking in London. Just because one time I named a post on protectionist EU employment law “American Worker Slaves…”, I am now apparently the go-to source on slavery. Children, click here instead. And tell your parents I’m sorry.

“Jason Castro”

Who? Does anyone else think it’s funny the American Idols Live tour is sponsored by Pop-tarts?

any version of “American moving to London”

I am trying to be more helpful now.

“Kaci Clot”

My future sister-in-law. If you are searching for her, and you came here, my apologies. I can only tell you she is engaged to my brother, does something involving marketing and websites and has very good home decorating taste. And doesn’t like games involving pantomiming.

“Humped zebra”

Yeahhhhhhhhhhhh.

“Ikea”

Affordable home furnishings by those wily Swedes.

“British Telecom”

Too painful to discuss in writing.

“Peter Dinklage”

Brooding, sexy dwarf.

“Celebrity bathroom pics”

I don’t even know what this means.

“Josh Utt”

Brother, you are less popular than your future wife. But not in the world of Norrath.

“edamame London”

I know, I know. It’s like an edamame famine here. (And now, just for typing the word “famine,” I will become the go-to source on dire food shortages in Ethiopia.)

“London is awesome”

Are you kidding? Who searches that? Freak.

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9 Comments

Filed under blogging, family, london, music - HA!, quantum physics, tv

9 responses to “googlers, come to me

  1. Ney Ney

    completely hysterical. and NOT just because i’m your mother.

  2. yael

    I wish I knew acronyms.

  3. Josh

    Hilarious post. In my defense, Kaci is barely on the web and therefore will more often have people show up here, than for me cause I have lots more links to peruse…

    The Utt Sibling Race for Popularity on Google:

    Yael: 64
    Micah: 4
    Joshua: 314

    and the big winner:
    Ronald: 3,720

  4. Pingback: Search terms « Not From Around Here

  5. jade

    So it’s really neat, but also slightly odd…Google works wonders. We haven’t seen each other in 13 years, but it was a delight to stumble upon your blog!

    I’ve been in London for a little over a year now and work with a bunch of expats. Perhaps we’ll run into each other sometime!
    Take care!

  6. I get a ridiculous amount of hits on my blog from people searching for Godzilla. Turns out they are looking for a picture that I used, but still. What downer that its my Godzilla picture that attracts the most traffic!!

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