settling in marriage

Oh don’t worry, this is not autobiographical. At least so far I still have a huuuuge crush on Bryan.

But the other day a girlfriend and I were talking about the fact that she is 31 and single. It seems my girlfriends and I spend a lot of time lately neurotically dissecting whether we timed the whole grad school/career/family planning thing correctly, and forwarding each other fearmongering articles that say our eggs might all be dead at this point. Turns out Jamie Lynn Spears may be on to something.

And although I think we have a right to stress about these things, I imagine for my single lovelies, the fears are bigger. Which is why my friend at this point in our conversation informed me her dad had sent her an article from The Atlantic Monthly, “Marry Him!”, advising her to settle for any man, and get on with things.

I first lost my breath, then rolled on the floor with laughter. Nothing could give me a better jolly than imaging my friend’s septuagenarian thrice-divorced father giving out marital and baby-making advice. I simply had to read this article. And then lo and behold, it was reprinted this weekend in The Times here in London.

And you know what… the author says some pretty wise things. Like this gem:

“Once you’re married, it’s not about whom you want to go on vacation with; it’s about whom you want to run a household with. Marriage isn’t a passion-fest; it’s more like a partnership formed to run a very small, mundane, and often boring nonprofit business. And I mean this in a good way.”

Check it out:



Filed under friends, not-yet-conceived children, quantum physics

7 responses to “settling in marriage

  1. Ames

    This article has gotten alot of play, and it certainly has many women our age buzzing. I’ve had the same convo with two friends recently. This article on opinionista kicked it off. You’re so hip, Yael.

  2. yael

    Not so much hip, as waaaaay behind. Luckily my most loyal 4 blog readers hopefully forgive that I am a day late and a dollar short on all things buzzing in America. This is one-stop shopping for 2-month old news 😉 I mean, people in this country still wear Uggs for pete’s sake!

  3. Big Pipes

    when are you going to blog about sports?

  4. It’s certainly true that friendship becomes more important than weak-in-the-knees romance in an established relationship, but the idea that people should settle is a bad one, just breeds divorce.

    But biologically speaking it is true that if one wants to procreate more than anything else, Jaime Lynn does have the right idea and younger is better…

  5. Ney Ney

    The idea of marriage based on love rather than procreation or survival started in the 1800s, so it is a relatively new phenomenon. In the general historical context, we are still in fairly new territory.

  6. Jeremy

    This is all very confusing and leaves me with one overarching question: Should I seek to undo the vasectomy that I had last week (which was scheduled in haste and panic after reading Yael’s post re: the cost of children’s b-day parties)??

  7. Jake Gyllenhaal

    Sorry this post is late- but I was shocked to learn you ranked me lower on your top ten list than ground beef.

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