You may recall me mentioning my concern that college prep now has to begin in utero.
Last night I was at a birthday dinner for a girlfriend, and we were all saying what our secret dream job was. Of course mine was along the lines of party planning (weird, I know). And it reminded me…
At the risk of turning this into some phantom mommyblog, I have a new concern for my unconceived children: how to make their birthday parties appropriately garishly fabulous. I’ll admit I am naive, but I had no idea how elaborate children’s birthday parties were supposed to be, until I was alerted by CNN. I thought it wasn’t until my kids’ SuperSweet 16 that we were going to have to take out a second mortgage on our not-yet-purchased home.
But alas. The game starts from birth. Parents are now registering for their children’s birthday gifts on amazon.com and throwing their kids “half” birthday parties so that children born in the wintertime can have a summertime party too.
This is important stuff. I sat Bryan down and I told him explicitly that he needs to work a little harder, maybe take out a second job. Maybe after managing a sales team all day, he could lay cable lines at night or something. We all have to do our part. I will sacrifice going back to work so that I can devote my full energies to the invitations, venue, entertainment, catering, celebrity guest(s), outfit changes, soundtrack, gift bags, gift registry, VIP list, bottle service, etc. I keep asking my eggs what “theme” they want but they are being uncooperative so I will just have to guess. Look, there isn’t much time. In the next few years I might have a one-year old AND THERE IS ALREADY A WAITING LIST TO RENT OUT FAO SCHWARTZ.
I tried to calm myself down by reading http://www.birthdayswithoutpressure.org/, but they are such a lame group of pansy funhaters. What is so wrong with spending thousands of dollars on a birthday party for a sleeping/terrified 1-year old.