expensive parties for children

You may recall me mentioning my concern that college prep now has to begin in utero.

Last night I was at a birthday dinner for a girlfriend, and we were all saying what our secret dream job was. Of course mine was along the lines of party planning (weird, I know). And it reminded me…
At the risk of turning this into some phantom mommyblog, I have a new concern for my unconceived children: how to make their birthday parties appropriately garishly fabulous. I’ll admit I am naive, but I had no idea how elaborate children’s birthday parties were supposed to be, until I was alerted by CNN. I thought it wasn’t until my kids’ SuperSweet 16 that we were going to have to take out a second mortgage on our not-yet-purchased home.

But alas. The game starts from birth. Parents are now registering for their children’s birthday gifts on amazon.com and throwing their kids “half” birthday parties so that children born in the wintertime can have a summertime party too.

This is important stuff. I sat Bryan down and I told him explicitly that he needs to work a little harder, maybe take out a second job. Maybe after managing a sales team all day, he could lay cable lines at night or something. We all have to do our part. I will sacrifice going back to work so that I can devote my full energies to the invitations, venue, entertainment, catering, celebrity guest(s), outfit changes, soundtrack, gift bags, gift registry, VIP list, bottle service, etc. I keep asking my eggs what “theme” they want but they are being uncooperative so I will just have to guess. Look, there isn’t much time. In the next few years I might have a one-year old AND THERE IS ALREADY A WAITING LIST TO RENT OUT FAO SCHWARTZ.

I tried to calm myself down by reading http://www.birthdayswithoutpressure.org/, but they are such a lame group of pansy funhaters. What is so wrong with spending thousands of dollars on a birthday party for a sleeping/terrified 1-year old.



Filed under not-yet-conceived children

4 responses to “expensive parties for children

  1. Barks

    we are also apparently woefully behind because we haven’t yet put our to-be-born and to-be-conceived children on the waiting list for the HOTTEST daycare in town. Which means our to-be-born and to-be-conceived kids won’t get into the best colleges when they apply in 15+ years. We are so screwed and should just give up now.

  2. Ney Ney

    I could kick myself for not having sent out save-the-date cards for Josh’s and Micah’s bris (or whatever the plural of bris is). At least I remembered the goody bags.

  3. Jeremy

    I read your posting this morning and then decided to use my lunch hour today to get a vasectomy. Thanks for the heads up.

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s