anger management

You know that Michael Douglas movie, Falling Down? To refresh your memory:

“The adventures of an ordinary man at war with the everyday world.” “An unemployed defense worker frustrated with the various flaws he sees in society, begins to psychotically and violently lash out against them.”

Yesterday I began to feel like I was headed in that direction. In general, I have realized more over the last few years that I have a trigger temper when it comes to strangers out there in the world. I was hoping it was a little gift given to me as a temporary Brooklynite. On one visit to Virginia, when a suburban soccer dad unknowingly pulled into a parking spot that I was aiming for, I got the biggest high when I was able to violently arm-pump my middle finger at him. My mom was horrified, and the man, I think, shielded his two small children and sped away. And I just felt sooo happy.

This past weekend I walked into a store to pick up new glasses, but before I even gave the salesclerk my name, I lectured him for five minutes on why the store sucks, how his colleague is useless and I don’t trust him and I will never come back again so help me god over my dead body. The man honestly looked frightened. When he walked away to get my glasses, Bryan told me I was out of control. What??? This coming from my dear husband who has ripped new orifices into at least 250 rental car clerks, who writes scathing emails to our landlord every day, and who, on conservative estimate, has spoken to 400 retailpersons in a condescending tone while simultaneously smirking, rolling his eyes, and juggling flaming daggers. This is bad.

Finally yesterday I got an email from a legal recruiter that I didn’t like. Bad timing really. And I dispensed of all my professional and courteous training and wrote her a reply deliciously overflowing with fresh vitriol.

And then I went outside and almost pulled a Falling Down. But then I went to the gym instead and found a free People magazine. Score!



Filed under bryan, health

5 responses to “anger management

  1. Barks

    honey, until you have single-handedly strongarmed Merchant’s Tire into paying for a month’s work of car repairs, you are still a nicer, sweeter and more patient person than me.

    PS if you need me to, I will fly over there just for you and talk some sense into these people. Only for you. Not because I want to go to London. My motives are totally altruistic.

  2. Josh

    that was a funny ending

  3. You should read Ben Franklin’s Autobiography. I think it may help. He used to make enemies of people he met too. Then he turned out great. Maybe you’re going down the same path.

  4. great rant. And I feel your pain, really.

  5. Snosh

    a guy mouthed off at me yesterday over a parking space at the mall. i thought him a very sad person to take the time to talk at me the way he did. i realized i completely lack rage and for a part of the night envied those that can muster it. but i don’t know … i think its the whole red meat consumption thing- you know that feeds rage … no thanks.

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