cheesy

I have a had a lifelong struggle between my true nature of being incredibly sentimental and cheesy versus my longing to be cool as a cucumber and smooth as silk. I guess Step 1 would be to stop using lame and nonsensical metaphors like “cool as a cucumber.” Oh wait, it might be a simile. Or an idiom. Or a trite and hackneyed expression. Crap. I should also probably never use words like “anywho.” Anywho…

In a column I was reading once, the author said, “Never trust a man who uses exclamation marks – they’re the prose equivalent of canned laughter, signalling[sic] looming comic intent together with a fierce distrust that we will not get the joke.”

I use exclamation points. Quite a bit! And I use emoticons. Often . I try not to, but then how will my girlfriends know I am excited and happy about something over email if I don’t?? For example, I am not sure

Your three year-old is so cute.

is the same as

Your three year-old is so cute!!!!!

And then there is this business with me wearing green on St. Patrick’s Day, pink on Valentine’s Day and my flag bikini on the 4th. And the fact that I take pictures of everything and everyone. And I save movie ticket stubs. And notes my friends wrote me in 10th grade. And sometimes I save the envelopes my family members mail me things in. And I end sentences with prepositions (see previous). And cry during episodes of “Scrubs.” And speak in baby talk to babies. And dogs. Never cats. Oh wait, sometimes cats.