Aka “the full English” aka “a fry-up.”
Or as I like to call it: “the worst idea in history.”
It is rare the person not familiar with a classic British breakfast. Maybe you’ve traveled to the UK, or you’ve seen it in the morning at a hotel or resort somewhere tropical that happens to also cater to British tourists.
In case you are totally unfamiliar, here is the basic rundown: eggs, bacon, sausage, black pudding, a cooked tomato, baked beans and mushrooms.
Now if that doesn’t whet your appetite, it’s only fair we go through the ingredients more in depth:
Eggs: Actually normal. Usually organic and fresh, so especially yellow. That might freak some Americans out.
Bacon: NOT the delicious bacon you are thinking about right now. NOT the kind you might have on your BLT later or in my father’s amazing spaghetti carbonara. Nope. “Back” bacon, which is a different part of the pig and loosely translates to “vile and hideous and smelly.”
Sausage: Hmm. Sausage is really such a loose concept anyway, right? So I will let this one slide.
Black pudding: Now the fun begins. This is cooked animal blood, congealed with a thickener. Besides the fact that I would rather throw this 30 feet across the room (or 9 metres across, if I am being ethno-sensitive) than have it anywhere in my general vicinity, I take special umbrage with the name. I really love London. And England. And the British. I really, really do. But- how do I say this gently, it is just morally wrong to call so many things “pudding.” Pudding can’t simultaneously mean encased meat AND dessert (menus here call the dessert section “puddings”). AND bread!!!! (Yorkshire.) You have got to be kidding.
Cooked tomato: Yep, this has got to go too. Cooked tomato, know your role! Get back on my spaghetti and meatballs where you belong!
Baked beans: Look, it’s weird sure. I’ll admit it. But who doesn’t love baked beans? So in lieu of anything else edible, I often enjoy these. I am sad though that the most beloved of British foods- baked beans (people eat them for breakfast and on toast as a snack)- are 100% sold here by the Heinz monopoly. An American company.
Cooked mushrooms: Now I’m just pissed.
Basically, I never go out for breakfast. This saves me money and additional fat rolls. Thank you gross British Breakfast, thank you!!
11 responses so far ↓
mira // Monday, 28 April, 2008 at 1:30 pm |
This makes me sad (and very grossed out…sorry, thought I was all world-travelly). I will dedicate my next breakfast of eggs and home-fries to you.
Barks // Monday, 28 April, 2008 at 1:57 pm |
you get to have cooked mushrooms for breakfast there? I am seriously envious. If they added any form of seafood then I don’t know if I could take it.
-kas // Monday, 28 April, 2008 at 3:53 pm |
Hmm, might have to take exception to this one….
We just went out to breakfast (or brunch if you want to be time conscious about it), at a restaurant that started in London (?) called Balans and there they have a “full breakfast” which is the British fry up (sans blood pudding – thank you very much).
Cause this being Miami, anything not from S. American is strange and scary, hence the name change.
So of course, both Jenny and I order it, and it’s delicious. Maybe it was the lack of the pudding – I’m pretty sure that’s it.
notfromaroundhere // Monday, 28 April, 2008 at 6:17 pm |
The vegetarian full English is usually pretty good, has nice things like vegetable patties and potato croquettes instead of the disgusting back bacon and black pudding, although you have to go to upscale gastro pubs or rainbow colored alternative restaurants to find it.
indigohippie // Tuesday, 29 April, 2008 at 12:59 am |
Personally I find the whole breakfast disgusting, and I’m British! Sometimes they also include fried bread (if you’re lucky…)
But here’s an interesting fact: an American muffin typically has more calories than a “properly cooked” English breakfast. This is because of all the sugar poured into the little bun of goodness. There ya go! As far as calories go, the breakfast can’t be that bad?!
nikkiwestlife // Tuesday, 29 April, 2008 at 5:36 am |
That black pudding sounds a lot like ‘Dinuguan’ here, it’s cooked blood, it’s black but the only difference is that people here(excluding me, I hate it and my parent’s can’t have it..) eat it with rice or sweet rice cakes..
I’m kinda amused at how much you guys have for breakfast there.. here it’s like rice, an egg and some kind of fermented meat or cereal..
madriduno // Tuesday, 29 April, 2008 at 7:24 am |
You missed-out toast and cup of tea.
British (back) bacon is WAY superior to that muck you call bacon. I simply cannot believe you can’t taste the difference.
I will readily admit that British foodstuffs are generally inferior to almost all other nations, but not the bacon. Our bacon beats all other bacons except possibly Danish. And they’re our DNA cousins so we usually call it a draw.
WITHDRAW YOUR BACON SLUR!!!!
illusivefreddy // Tuesday, 29 April, 2008 at 9:10 am |
While I agree with you about the black pudding, the English Breakfast is the best only you forgot to mention the fried bread and HP fruity sauce.
I’m British so clearly biased.
Freddy
yaelgutt // Tuesday, 29 April, 2008 at 10:25 am |
I wish you all could change my mind. Although I will have to check out fried bread. I cannot withdraw the bacon slur, no matter what. And believe me, I am generally open to all things dead pig.
Elizabeth Isabella // Thursday, 1 May, 2008 at 5:41 pm |
I’ve been trying to get Ed to eat grilled tomatoes for years. He still won’t go for it. And I miss my proper bacon!!! The American bacon is all fat, while back bacon actually has some meat.
Here’s a tidbit for you: the reason American bacon is crap is because of the love of ribs. You can’t have the back cut of bacon and still have a rack of ribs to BBQ. It is only because I love ribs so much that I put up with what passes for bacon in America.
Greetings from Cape Cod « Not From Around Here // Thursday, 19 June, 2008 at 1:09 pm |
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