thank you for the laughs

Ahhhhhhhhhh. I did it. I actually did it. Didn’t think I would. And then

all of the sudden

I read somewhere that Mindy Kaling twitters. And it was a foregone conclusion that I would join too. And it’s worth it. Her Kelly Kapoor page is simply a bonus.

So it turns out right now I can handle Twitter more than Facebook. I can be totally passive and instead laugh out loud, LOUDLY, at the people I am “following”.

A random sampling of some recent faves:

Lo Boswoth (she of The Hills): ..every person deserves access to affordable healthcare..

Rachel Zoe: I am not at one with sweats outside the house or gym, but try harem pants or wide-leg jeans…just as comfy!

Jim Gaffigan: Just saw someone in a fur coat walking a dog. “I love to take care of animals AND wear them!” If only they were holding a burger.

shitmydadsays: “If mom calls, tell her I’m shitting… Son, marriage is about not having to lie about taking a shit.

badbanana: By my count, Jim Carrey only has one more iconic Christmas role to ruin. Two, if you include baby Jesus.

Tracy Morgan: For $15 I’ll induce your labor

OchoCinco (he makes me want to understand football): Dear lord you’re mistake free, please don’t forsake me, i will let your (our) light shine today, luck isn’t needed<–enjoy today’s event and Ravens Prayer: dear lord please forgive me for the sins I’m getting ready commit, for they don’t know I’m one of your children! Amen

Mindy Kaling: it was a terrific day, professionally, personally, and also, i did not shower and ate bacon

Facebook right now for me is the opposite. Completely un-funny, boring, sometimes depressing, and another reminder of my shortcomings. Ugh, I forgot to upload photos of my baby/trip/holiday. My phone is too old-school for mobile uploads. I tagged someone in a bikini and now she is mad. I wrote a status update and no one commented. I looked at 200 photos of someone I haven’t spoken to in 20 years and the pathetic vortex just sucked precious time away from my dwindling maternity leave. Need I go on?

Sure I miss little things like updates from my friends, the email function, birthday reminders and the 5% of photos that I actually wanted to see. And it’s highly likely that I will now never see another photo of my nephews or find out my cousin is pregnant in a timely fashion. But Facebook and I are taking a break. You know what’s cool? You can “deactivate” in about one second and if you ever change your mind, it takes one second to log back in and voila! everything is there. If you want the challenge of life without FB, try it. It’s like a liquid diet, a fast, a colonic. See if you don’t feel a wee bit lighter.

So can you all please join Twitter? Or create a blog? I am boring myself here. Tell me who to follow. I am a novice too.

jesus, don’t cry

Saw Wilco last night with friends. Was v. v. v. fun.

But more important than that- I made a Shepherd’s Pie this week. If that, plus the fact that I use the words “ages” and “loads” quite often, does not qualify me for British citizenship then I give up. (It’s because I used Quorn instead of meat/mince, right? Sigh.)

my husband went to new york and all i got was this lousy…

wait, nothing. I didn’t even get a t-shirt.

So Bryan was in NYC for four days over the weekend, mainly to see a Jets game with his friends in the last year the team will play in Giants Stadium (and the last year Bryan’s family will have their sick season tickets). It coincided with the world’s craziest Halloween parade- the one in the Village there.

I stayed in London and saw friends and contemplated how hard it would be to be a single parent. Not even just missing the extra pair of hands and all the attenuating baby and non-baby tasks those hands could accomplish… but missing having that person around that shares in the small and big feats and laughs at what’s funny and commiserates at what’s not. We were glad he came back. After a Halloween party filled with cute roller derby chicks, it wasn’t a given.

a great american export

People from home ask me a lot if Halloween is “as big here”. I am never sure how to respond but the easiest answer is no. Not even close.

You will find candy in the stores and pumpkins for sale and even a spiderweb decoration in a store if you’re lucky. Adults have fancy dress parties (costume, achem) and a few places make lackluster efforts to do events for kids. Actually, the ones that do are American, like Whole Foods and those weird social clubs I refuse to join that are like sororities for grown-ups.

The best way I can explain that it’s just not the same is to tell you that when I asked the nine mothers from my prenatal class if their kids were dressing up, they all said no and seemed confused. When I brought Jonah to Gymboree dressed as a pumpkin, the staff and other mums had coniptions of cuteness. Because they had never seen such a thing. When I saw a little girl at a store dressed as a lion, I knew she was American before her mom even proved it when she spoke out loud. And so, no, it’s not even remotely the same. In America, I am pretty sure it is illegal to not dress your child up. And if it’s not against the law, I am sure there is some other parent in plastic devil horns willing to extract some vigilante justice on your a**. I miss that about my homeland. I do.

I also miss my dad’s roasted pumpkin seeds. I made some myself with Jonah watching from the bjorn. He seemed totally unimpressed with my carving abilities and seed-baking. His favorite part of Halloween was the 30 times I stuck the pacifier back in his mouth.

It also appears that the British take a more traditional approach to the holiday and favor scary costumes like ghouls and goblins and witches and monsters. This bit from a news article here made me laugh:

The other day I was perusing the Halloween section of an American fancy-dress website – as you are probably aware, Halloween in the US permits dressing up in non-spooky clothing, which is just one of the many things I have filed under Things I Shall Never Understand About America, alongside the national passion for Twinkies and the precise point of Los Angeles.

Apparently, Slutoween is an American concept. So, I don’t know- chalk that up as another +1 for the U.S.A. I’ve never been prouder.

–

Also, three of my friends ran the New York Marathon yesterday and got amazing race times. You know who you are friends and you just rule.

alowine

I am pleased to announce Erin the winner of yesterday’s giveaway. Erin, please enjoy the crap out of your Fiendish Fancies.

–

Thanks to a few of his grandmothers and friends, Jonah is ready for All Hallows’ Eve.

Be safe everyone. No razor blades in your candy, mmkay.

giving and receiving

Okay, so I am a little buzzed here. We had a babysitter, you know. I will mail you the products shown in this video if I randomly select your name/fake name/anonymous name from the comments during a drawing. Feel free to tell me what I should do in London, what I should blog about, or whether I need to hit the fake tanner and eyebrow threading again (I look so sickly here. Buzzed though. Remember?)

Btw- Best pub name ever: Filthy Macnasty’s.

Will my decade-long boycott of Ugg boots last? I feel it eroding cold winter after cold winter…

Drumroll… Anthropologie just came to Europe!!!! I visited their flagship store on Regent Street this week. It was as beautiful as befits the brand. And as expensive. Who can afford it? I can’t. Makes me think I should have gone into Finance. But then if I was in Finance I wouldn’t wear Anthropologie, you know? That’s the conundrum of it all. But man it was entertaining to watch all the teenage English Topshop basement-dwelling refugees milling around the store, wide-eyed with wonder at the bright lights and boho chic. They didn’t know what to make of the total lack of black pantyhose.